The Caregiver Burden can be overwhelming

Caregivers get too little help and we don't often think about how it is for those around a patient. The writer struggles with the burden as a young person.  It is more commonly a challenge for the older generation.

Can’t sleep.... the worrying and waiting is killing me. My ex boyfriend is top of the transplant wait list with a meld of 38/39. He is currently living with me as the place he was renting did not have a kitchen and he needs to stay on a strict low sodium diet. He is in and out of the hospital and it’s a constant roller coaster.

He has lost over 50 lbs, is severely jaundice, acitites, fluid buildup, issues with sodium, bruising, bleeding issues and more

I know he wants me to be more nurturing but I have a really hard time feeling sorry for him when he did this to himself. (Alcohol) He also lied for months to his friends and family about his condition saying I was overreacting to the point many cut me out of their lives. He only told them the truth a couple months ago. I’ve been dealing with this since last January.

Yesterday he started packing up his things saying he is going to stay with his brother. A fall, bruise or cut could jeopardize his transplant! It all just feels very manipulative. I couldn’t take it so I stayed away last night and then worried all night I’d come home and find him dead.

I feel I have gone above and beyond to try to help him. He honestly would have died months ago if I had not forced him to go to the doctor. He was immediately taken to ER where he got a blood transfusion, plasma, K1 and more. I go see him every time he is in the hospital which is frequently, buy and cook low sodium meals for him and am constantly scouring for more information to help which is how I found this group.

I feel like I’ve aged 10 years since January and my blood pressure is through the roof. It’s normally really low. I try to do things to keep my mind off his condition it but it’s constantly there.

I have to say I was somewhat relieved when he said he was going to his brother’s. I was also hurt. He is still here and I have no idea what his actual plan is. I made him dinner but otherwise did not speak.

Hoping the hospital calls soon with news they have a donor.

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